You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
