Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
