In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
