So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
