a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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