so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
