Already got asked if we're dating
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
