anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
