I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
