We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
