The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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