youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
