great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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