I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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