she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i am craving dick and cupcakes
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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