dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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