oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
this hospital has no fireball
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
