omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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