I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
