I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
