i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
