He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
