I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
