Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
