Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
