He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
