I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
