wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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