awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
