Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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