i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
