Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Randomize
