Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
