i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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