barbara walters just said penis...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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