Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
