If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
