Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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