I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
