He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
