Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
