My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
True but thats because hes a fetus.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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