who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
