Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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