you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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