Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
