how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
