I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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