please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
