so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
