I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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