We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
