Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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