Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
