I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
