Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
