"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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