Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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