whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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